Hi guys,

I hope you are all having a nice weekend. I don’t really know what to do and need some help. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for a while now. Mainly anxiety and obsessive thoughts which have literally driven me to exhaustion. After months of me trying to fight against it, exercising more, drinking less coffee, completely quitting drinking alcohol etc etc and NOTHING making a difference, I gave in 3 days ago and decided to start taking antidepressants. My obsessive thinking has played havoc in my daily life and in my relationships. I have had enough. My depression and anxiety stems all the way back to my childhood, a fact which has only surfaced in the last year or so. Before these revelations, I had no idea why I had ever felt depressed or anxious. Anyway, I have a lot of shit to address in my past. I need to go back to where it all started, dig deep, uncover and try and understand so that I can finally move on in my life.

I refuse to spend every single day of my life re-living the shit that I went through and allowing it to have such a shitty effect on my current life and situation. It is no way to live and isn’t living at all. I am starting therapy in a few weeks (waiting list bla) and hope this will really help me.

Guys I don’t know what to do. I’m day 3 into my antidepressant treatment and although I do feel better in that I am not obsessively thinking and self-loathing anymore, I now feel like a zombie. Completely spaced out, you could take a dump on my head and I probably wouldn’t even notice. Seriously, now I am barely thinking at all. So I am now living in LaLa land and not feeling much at all. Surely that’s no way to live either? I just can’t decide. I am half tempted to stop taking it tonight and just start therapy and combine that with meditation or something to slow down my thinking. Thoughts? I just really don’t know what to do here. Any help would be really appreciated thank you.

Hannah x

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