Day 4 antidepressants

Hi guys,

I thought I would let you know how I’ve been getting on with my meds so far. So I am on day 4. Just in case you weren’t following until now, I decided to start taking them after months of negative obsessive thoughts that were literally plaguing my life on a minute by minute basis. I was officially over it. Negative thoughts about myself, negative thoughts about my relationships, my work capabilities, my life in general, you name it, I was having them. I didn’t give in easily either. I was determined to not go back on antidepressants or any kind of medication, having not taken anything like that for years. I wanted to do it the natural way, exercise more, meditate more, cut down on caffeine etc etc, but I wasn’t having any luck at all. So I gave in.

I am taking 37.5mg of effexor and have been since last Friday. So far, so fucking good, excuse my French. I feel like a normal person again. Yes, at night, I do feel a bit spaced out and my thoughts are quite slow. But at least I am no longer a nervous wreck, over-analysing every single little detail of my life and my day. Trapped in the past and obsessing over details of my childhood. Trying to watch a movie but being bombarded by bullshit inside my head. Goodbye bastard thoughts. Don’t let the door hit you in the arse.

antidepressants_featuredDespite being pleased with the results so far, part of me feels like a bit of a failure for being on them. I can’t help it. I do feel it’s a bit sad that perhaps now I am viewing my day and my life through a fog. But so be it. I feel happy. I can think more clearly, more sensibly and more positive. I am smiling again. What a fucking relief. Thank you medication. Thank you.

I shall keep you posted on my progress and how therapy goes once I start. If any of you out there are trapped in a dark depression and see no way out, please get help. Whether it be through seeing a professional or even considering some kind of medication if you think that might help you. Don’t give up. Take steps to help yourself get better. Because I promise you this: There is a way out. And life can look a whole lot better than the way you may have got used to seeing it. There is hope, I promise you that.

Speak soon,

Hannah xx

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