I thought I would let you know how I’ve been getting on with my meds so far. So I am on day 4. Just in case you weren’t following until now, I decided to start taking them after months of negative obsessive thoughts that were literally plaguing my life on a minute by minute basis. I was officially over it. Negative thoughts about myself, negative thoughts about my relationships, my work capabilities, my life in general, you name it, I was having them. I didn’t give in easily either. I was determined to not go back on antidepressants or any kind of medication, having not taken anything like that for years. I wanted to do it the natural way, exercise more, meditate more, cut down on caffeine etc etc, but I wasn’t having any luck at all. So I gave in.
I am taking 37.5mg of effexor and have been since last Friday. So far, so fucking good, excuse my French. I feel like a normal person again. Yes, at night, I do feel a bit spaced out and my thoughts are quite slow. But at least I am no longer a nervous wreck, over-analysing every single little detail of my life and my day. Trapped in the past and obsessing over details of my childhood. Trying to watch a movie but being bombarded by bullshit inside my head. Goodbye bastard thoughts. Don’t let the door hit you in the arse.
Despite being pleased with the results so far, part of me feels like a bit of a failure for being on them. I can’t help it. I do feel it’s a bit sad that perhaps now I am viewing my day and my life through a fog. But so be it. I feel happy. I can think more clearly, more sensibly and more positive. I am smiling again. What a fucking relief. Thank you medication. Thank you.
I shall keep you posted on my progress and how therapy goes once I start. If any of you out there are trapped in a dark depression and see no way out, please get help. Whether it be through seeing a professional or even considering some kind of medication if you think that might help you. Don’t give up. Take steps to help yourself get better. Because I promise you this: There is a way out. And life can look a whole lot better than the way you may have got used to seeing it. There is hope, I promise you that.